


The day that was never supposed to come

by fangirlishpostss



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Octavia Blake Deserves Better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:13:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27938652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirlishpostss/pseuds/fangirlishpostss
Summary: And here they were, she 10 years older, alive, he a corpse on Sanctum or perhaps some other planet.A short insight in Octavia's thoughts after Bellamy's death because they deserved better than what s7 gave them.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake & Octavia Blake
Kudos: 3





	The day that was never supposed to come

"I won't let anything bad happen to you." He tells her over and over again, yet things happen, bad things, to her, to him. They drift apart, but still get pulled back together again and again...until they're not. Until it fell into the abyss, swallowed by the black holes of the cruel universe.

He's laying on the floor of the drop ship, his mouth bloody, eyes glimmering with fear and she promises him that she won't let anything bad happen to him, yet she's all the bad that had ever happened to him. She's his responsibility and he doesn't want her to be, he never wanted her to be and neither did she, but no one asked them. 

He too promises things that he cannot keep. “I came to tell you that I love you so much...no matter what happens." She trusted him, she always had and then she was choking, dying in his arms. 

"Octavia!", his voice is strong, determined and she hopes he changed his mind, that somewhere deep inside he understood, but he didn't. "My sister died a long time ago." And here they were, she 10 years older, alive, he a corpse on Sanctum or perhaps some other planet. Octavia doesn't know because she's not allowed to look for him nor to say goodbye, they've never got to say goodbye. It was wrong to be alive without him that was all she had known, and she refuses to transcend without him, she says it's for Clarke, but it's not. The guilt is just too strong and perhaps there's another afterlife, perhaps they'll meet each other again. “I’m not going anywhere without my brother." Either way she won't go without him.

There are so many things she wants to tell him, so many things he deserved to know. She was here because of him and he'll never know, he'll never read the letter that she wrote him. He will never be again, Bellamy will never call her his little sister, she'll never hear him scream _O,_ she'll never be able to hug him again. To tell him how much she loves him, how sorry she is. If she didn't lose her way perhaps, he would still be here, maybe they never would have left Earth, if she didn't cause the world to be destroyed her brother would have been alive.

And so, she cries and cries, she tosses in her sleep, she calls out to him, but he is never there when her eyes fly open. He's never there. It's not fair. The day she had to live with him gone was never supposed to come. It couldn't be real, it was a curse, a nightmare. This was worse than death.

"Say that I'm your sister." Her voice breaks and she wishes nothing more than to hug him, kneel and beg because she can't go on without him. 

His hand makes her feel safe, he was always her home. "Side by side like it was meant to be." Only it wasn't meant to be for long as she is dying in his arms again, but she knows she's not really dead. She knows he'll come for her, he always did, no matter if they were pulled apart by space and time, sky and earth, death and apocalypse, Bellamy always came. For her.

Yet the dead don't transcend and her heart clenches, tears run and for who then, is she fighting this war. Clarke? Clarke who left her over and over again, Clarke who tried to kill her more than once, Clarke who just took a part of her soul. It wasn't for her, it was the right thing to do she knows, it's what Bellamy would have wanted, he deserved justice. For him, it was.

"Bellamy was right." It's twisted, painful, wrong. It would be easier if he died a fool, if he did not die for nothing, but Bellamy was right, and he was dead. It did not make anything easier, nothing made anything easier.

There was nothing of his that she had, only the memories. But Earth changed them, Earth brought only heart stabbing memories because they loved each other and then he loved her when she hated him, and she loved him when he hated her. They were never meant to last, siblings were forbidden and she can't help, but to wish her mother never gave birth to her, that she never had to know what it was like to have a brother and to never know what it's like to lose him. It was worse than losing a mum or losing Lincoln and Diyoza, it was worst because when she was losing them, she always had him to come back to. Now he was gone, gone without knowing who she became. Gone without hugs and goodbyes, no I love yous because those weren't meant for them. The world only gave them pain and suffering, deaths and destruction, hatred and anger. Hugs and kisses, Greek mythology and jungle games were for two kids decades away, for two kids in a little metal box worlds, galaxies, stars away. Two little kids that had each other and a mum and they did not know of deaths and pain, Earth was just a story for future generations. 

No matter how many days, months, years pass, he's always in her heart. A fling of regret outweighing everything they ever were. It's not even the fact that he was dead it was knowing there was no chance in meeting him. Not only was he dead, but he was also gone, gone like he never was. She would gave up transcendence and her numbered year on this damned Earth just to hear his voice again, to see him one more time. To be able to tell him everything that weighted her soul, they've deserved better than this, but deserve's got nothing to do with it.

There will be no one to pass the memory of him on to, the Blakes will die out and perhaps it was better that way. They were nothing, but a tragic story, never on the same page at the same time, never able to fully be happy, ruined by war and time and distance, ruined by the society of the ark. They were never meant to be in each other's life because she was never meant to be alive. 

Yet some weird and cruel destiny brought them together and ripped them apart. It laughed as they've cried and screamed for each other, as they've lost each other over and over again. Now it was laughing just at her because her brother was nothing but her memory, he was gone, forever and nothing she did, no matter how good she was will change that. This was her punishment, her cross to wear.


End file.
